My weekend begins in the middle of the week, real weekends don't even exist to me anymore. Which kind of throws me out of wack but anyway that is my routine. I got lots of sunshine and outside air, being outside for a whole days makes me realize how much I coop myself up, why am I curled up in a ball in my sweatpants when I can be outside doing handstands on the grass?!

The special place I went to was Perth. It's special because I lived there from grade 4 - 8, and have never been back since the last night of my grade 8 graduation. I'm 21, so that was a very long time ago. Here are all the pictures, I cut the amount down but there are more on my Facebook and my Flickr too, so check it out if you are curious.




I saw a million of these inuk-shuks along the countryside, they must've been following us.




I had a happy anxiety attack when I saw the sign!

This is the back of the house I lived in, the church rectory. It's dated c1910, high ceilings, a maid's room, so gorgeous. I went up to ring the doorbell to see if I could poke around but no one was home. Such a gorgeous house, just perfect for our big family back in the day. Our time was limited so there aren't any cool heritage house pictures. Perth has a ton of them, all pretty and now not so mysterious.

Had lunch at Maximilian's in town, very lovely and the waitress was upfront and said NO after Brian asked for a root beer which I thought was hilarious.

Jackie joined in on the Perth trip, which was a treat.

That is a FISH! Don't know what kind though, you can barely tell but trust me that fish was one of the smaller ones that we saw floating in the shallow parts of the Tay River.

Took a tour in the main Perth museum, it's pretty and bright inside, not a lot of original stuff inside but what can you do about that, besides recreate everything? We went for Brian's sake, I couldn't drag him around my old stomping ground without doing something educational. We saw a FHG tunic which they called a coat and Brian/Jackie were swooning and nodding but like duh, of course there's gonna be Fort stuff here, there, and everywhere!

The Tay winding into Stewart Park.

He got stuck in the shallow under this bridge, I wanted to wade in and help him out but he already figured it out before we got to him.

And that's my town! There wasn't enough time there were so many places I wanted to go just to see again, like a pond near the railroad tracks and the old soap factory. And even my old dumpy elementary school. It's the kind of place I'd love to retire in. That, or the Caribbean. That would be... oh, I guess I shouldn't be thinking about things like retirement? We'll go back another time to get to all the other hertiagey places, soon I hope.


After Perth Brian headed out with his work people and Jackie and I went out for Mekong, met up with Kevin, played a board game at Minatour and then this happened:


Karaoke dance party in the making. The singing Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) in a very low voice and dancing like you just don't care is the trick. My opinion of Mybar has gone from suck to wicked. Lots of crazy chicks and guys dressed up who weren't bitchy and just wanted to sing and dance. I think I need to invest in some heals...

I want to show you all my pictures all the time, but I'm too worried about the overload. Less is more they say, is that even true? I'm having the post fun-days blues, after a bunch of days of out of town AWESOMENESS and I've stopped, my body has a hard time catching up with my brain and I get all sad whiny angry, like where did the fun go? Back to real life.



I went paint balling for my second time ever. The first time I went, years ago, doesn't even COUNT because I got shot once and gave up playing. It took me a while to get into the game, and when they say it doesn't hurt to get shot they are lying. Some people had massive welts. I have a few but not too many, I don't bruise easily. Beside the couple of funny moments like Brian taking two guns and charging everyone by himself, paint balling is not for me. Just the sound of those guns going off makes me edgy.

Now I ache from the over activity of the past few days. I go from sitting around to outdoor activities plus surprise karaoke. This is what leaving the apartment does to me! I can only imagine what I wreck I'll be after going to Toronto at the end of the month. ~!

Happy long weekend, hope you aren't trapped at work like I am.

This mother's day I got my mum an IOU one lunch-date on me as she was busy on Mother's Day, just like I was. I am grateful that she only guilts me sometimes about my short-lived school career and not visiting everyday cause she knows I am a busy gal.

Someone I work with tried to make me feel ashamed about my "lewd" pictures on my Facebook, I almost snapped but it would've been an ugly scene and I wouldn't want to be kicked out of a really good bar. They are hardly what I would consider lewd, and the hypocrisy was what did it. Qho cares it's just a picture why are some girls so weird about seeing other girls in a different light? The said workgirl is usually so nice and pleasant but the comments made about me and my pictures were not. The eye rolling was unnecessary and I felt like a punching bag to her own self-image issues.

So that was really fun.


I'm not out to win the beauty pageant. A really good day is a day I can say out loud I look HOT and mean it. It feels good to feel GOOD about yourself, as apposed to the everyday fug, right?? Girls beat themselves up over their looks all the time, they don't need help from their female-peers.

I've been very reflective lately, and incredibly moody so much that I find myself outside on the objective, thinking stop being so moody. Mood swings that once lasted a day last by the minutes. The things that just sneak up on us is what turns our lives around. One minute you're playing in the sandbox, next you are tripping over your high heels. I'm still in the sandbox somewhere in my head. So complex.

I'm going somewhere very special (to me) soon, so sit tight and good night. <3

I bring you my fun activity time: jumping on the bed playing dress-up. I am not a delicate little flower but I've learned to live with this energy in a clumsy body.


My brother has turned up after searching and tracking him down I learned he had checked himself into the hospital a few days ago. I am so happy and relieved that he is safe and not AWOL and alone on the streets as I had thought but now there are other things to worry about. One problem is solved and cleared and another ugly one appears like a big zit on my brain..

I'm kind of floating above this one right now. Somethings just hit you because it's actually happening to me right now, and though I've read so much about family and friends going through similar experiences with rising mental health issues I have no idea what happens now.


Just wanna say thank-you for the comments of support and concern, if he knew I know he'd be grateful.


Brian knows that when I get extremely upset a change of scenery is the best remedy. We took a surprise drive to Gan (Gananoque) us locals call it Gan because it's easier to say then the whole thing. This is one of many trips to discover the wondrous world that lies outside of Kingston.




I guess I'm still learning my camera because it took me so long to get a decent shot of the heron. I was even on my belly in the dirty Nation Geographic styles to get this. Most of them turned out incredibly blurry like the one above and the sun had already set so the lighting was very off. Dusk always messes with my eyes and vision, it's not quite light and not quite dark and all of a sudden I have no depth perception.

Such a lovely time we had, even for just a simple walk in a park.


My Flickr expires in 3 days, I can't believe it's already been one year since Zona so graciously bought me my first account. I'll get my new account one eventually but it has me thinking that this blog is getting on in it's years. I need to give it more TLC and attention, yes.

And more topics of discussion, like WHO SAW IRON MAN? I liked it but I think it'll be my last comic book movie for a while because of all the people who were mad about Samuel L. Jackson showing up at the end. (spoiler?) Is there no pleasing comic book fans? Oh, there's Batman too and then that's it, I swear.

The weather was a smorgasbord of crazy today! It snowed, hailed, rained, was sunny, was dark, was windy all in the span of three hours. I'm hiding out in the office in winter attire trying to get the chill out of me with a latte. Last week's sweltering heat is now a memory. Why do we jump the gun every single year. Do we not learn?

I heard on the radio there was a tornado sighting in a suburb near my workplace, and that it blew a trampoline into the sky! It's okay, I've got my escape plan ready, remember?

I'm worried about my brother, he has gone AWOL since he was kicked out his place, days ago. He called me a few days ago asking for a place to stay and I said no. He has either gone to social services which he should have done a year ago or he's on the streets.

He is perfectly able and choses laziness over independence and now he's paying for it. I couldn't imagine being jobless let alone homeless. I've worked hard and made big sacrifices for the life I have and though it's not a glamorous life it's my own. I have already talked myself out of letting him come back. He was a loafer, kept bad company, ate all our food, stole and lied, and never once made the effort to turn himself around. I couldn't put through Brian, or myself through that again.

But I worry sick when it rains and when it's dark. I wonder if he has a warm bed and if he's eating properly and why I feel so incredibly guilty.

It's been days since we last spoke and when it gets cold I wonder if he's warm somewhere and if he finally knows he has to work to earn his life. There are no free rides or hand outs, not without a price. I haven't turned my back on him, I've just turned to the side.

+ + +

A good friend of mine had a private gathering last night as a send-off for her boobs. She's going in for breast-reduction surgery in a few weeks so we all came together to celebrate her soon to be gone breasts. If you saw these things your life would be changed forever, but I am glad she is going in for the surgery.

As a girl with small breasts I couldn't even imagine the back problems huge knockers can give. Brian and I brought coconuts as a multi-purpose gift, I could list the many symbolic reasons but you're smart and can put it together.






Weeds and falling buds are everywhere now. These things make my skin crawl!

Nothing like a drive after the rain listening to something quite and lovely on the radio. The novelty of the new car is still here.

The best thing is driving to a nice spot near the Lake to have a small picnic. Here's what I saw:

I saw a skunk! He was just passing by a big fence digging for grubs. Little guy didn't even care that we were hanging close by eating potato salad and spying on him.

That's boring Lake Ontario behind me. Boring from this view, anyway. Right across is Wolfe Island (I believe) where we go to drink and watch Tea For the Voyage ska-out the yokels.

This is me! Drawn by red-handed, check out his art it's pretty and inspiring. Fan art is fun to get and brightens my day, thanks Darryl! I haven't finished my painting, every time I look at it I remember I can't draw well and then I shed a little tear.


I'm feeling kind of insane right now as I make my blog rounds because have edited this post more than 11 times for content. April is over and that is good because it is not my fav month. That's all for tonight, my heart is out there and my head needs a rest.

FINALLY.

After weeks of planning, finding pennies in the couch, bickering and hugging it out afterwards, the pay off is finally here.

Our car, that is.

And it's ours, It's no long this abstract thing that kept us awake at night. It belongs to us.

I feel like a new layer of freedom and responsibility has been added, like extra icing to a big piece of cake. No more borrowing the rents vans, my bus rides will be reduced! We can now say, hey instead of walking 10k let's drive. Let's go to Ottawa, Toronto, drive to the good Denny's, the boonies, IKEA!

Even though there isn't an IKEA in Kingston yet, but you get the idea.


I have that same fear-freedom feeling when I first moved out of my parents house to our first apartment. After dropping my last box on the floor and kissing my parents goodbye I was left with this big wide holy crap what have I gotten myself into feeling. It feels good and terrifying all at once because this ain't no gold fish. Getting a car IS a big deal, a big responsibility. Which is why I'm awake trying to John Nash the numbers and dollar signs, budgeting myself so we'll never have to chose between starving and driving.

But never the less, this is exciting. And I'm relieved knowing it's actually ours now. And now I have to re-learn how to drive.


This is my happy dance because we went to the mall, and going to the mall always means a visit to the pet store.


After the mall we walked to the movies to see Prom Night which is not worth the time or the money. It wasn't scary, wasn't sexy, absolutely NO blood and guts and gore and the high school kids were so unbelievably campy at what was a ridiculously classy prom. At least Rob Zombie knew what he was doing with the Halloween remake/prequel by putting swearing and nasty hilarious chicks bossing around their boyfriends.

Watching a bad movie really grinds my gears.


And thus concludes a very late and loaded photo post. I recieved some very supporting comments and e-mails about my cyst problems, just wanna say thanks you guys, you're so sweet and I'll be a-okay, promise.

I'm sitting anxious, confused as to whether or not I like the new chat feature on Facebook or if I am afraid of it turning me into an expert stalker.

Facebook: one step closer to jail time!